Moving on...

I've been packing, packing, packing, packing and packing, and I still have some packing to do... plus I'm trying to get rid of things I don't need (like local phone books, since I'm moving away) and I've sold a lot of books (although I'm keeping a lot of books). I also have a bunch of clothes that are too small right now but that I should get into soon, plus the clothes that fit right now, plus the clothes that are nowhere near to fitting me yet, but I don't want to get rid of. I'm only going to get rid of clothes that are too big for me, and that I can't figure out how to alter to fit me (yes, I'm poor and unemployed at the moment, but I also know how to sew).

The cat knows that something is up, and tomorrow I load up the first load in my truck. On Friday I drive up to the parentals' house, get the storage unit, and start moving back home.

I'm having to pay 22 dollars a month to keep my email, still have my cell phone bill, will have to pay 80 dollars a month to rent the storage unit, have to pay approx 200 dollars a month to get all the supplements and protein drinks I'm supposed to have on my diet, my student loans just reached the point where I have to start paying them, and did I mention that right now I don't have a job.

Great.

Knitting with cats

My cat decided to "help" me learn to cable knit.

If only she knew

Last Sunday I hung out with two of my dear friends (sisters) and we went to a play put on by a children's theatre troupe. Most of the "children" were actually teenagers, or even college students, but it was fun...ny :) We had a good time, and had this running joke that Sarah (the oldest sister) had this strange ability to point at a guy and make him gay. Every guy that Sarah has been attracted to has turned out that way, and one of their friends recently came out as well. I guess it happens when you live in theatre and music circles... Anyhow, this is the friend that told me before that she takes the "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach to homosexuality, and when I told her that my sister was bi said "I'm sorry - how are you holding up?"

I also have a serious crush on her.

As we were all giggling about her mystical ability to point and make men gay, she made this comment - "You know it's funny, straight people think the gay point is funny, and gay men find it hilarious, but lesbians don't like it at all."

If only she knew...

More evidence that I live in a backward state

So, apparently the police in El Paso are still enforcing anti-homosexual laws that were thrown out by the supreme court. Not only that, but even if those laws were still enforceable I doubt they applied to kissing...

http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/20020503/detail.html

http://www.elpasotimes.com/news/ci_12814956

http://www.ktsm.com/news/protest-held-over-gay-men-being-kicked-out-of-chicos-tacos

sigh

if you want to do something about this, I found a blog that has a few suggestions

http://queersunited.blogspot.com/2009/07/gay-men-face-discrimination-over-kiss.html

I'm hoping on that sunrise...

I am constantly amazed at this man's lyrics. It seems he speaks them from my soul.

Going home again

At the end of this month, I'm moving back in with my parents.

The reason for this is that I don't have a job.

Things that concern me:

1.) Getting a job (that I like, that pays enough, that will allow me to finish my teacher certification process, and is in a place where I am welcomed and encouraged in my teaching)

2.) I haven't lived in my parents' house for years, and there are several concerns related to that:

a.) living as an adult in my parents' home (general purposes)

b.) giving up a lot of my independence

c.) closeted lesbian moving back in with clueless parents...

The last one concerns me primarily logistically. During the past few months I have enjoyed slowly stepping out into the GLBT world... which I'm afraid will have to stop while I'm with my parents. First off I'll have very little money for going out, secondly, whenever I do go out, my parents will want to know where, why, and with whom. 

Since "I'm going to the lezzie bar to see if I can meet people" would lead to a conversation I'm not ready for right now, I fear that for the next few months (hopefully, only a few) my dating chances will drop from small to none.

I'll also be attending their church while I'm living at home. I just don't feel right going somewhere else instead of riding along with them.

The last time I lived at home, I had not yet realized that I was a lesbian.

Any suggestions, those of you that have lived with your parents while they didn't know, and you did?

Although, if my parents ever stopped to look, they might figure it out on their own... for my birthday my dad gave me a power drill kit... of course, I've always been his "boy scout" and spent quite a lot of time as a teenager in the garage... as did my sister.... but oh yeah, she's bi....

Patriotism

I posted this last year on my facebook account. It still seems relevant.

Sometimes people remark on what they see as my lack of patriotism. This is frustrating to me, because I feel strongly that I am a patriot. Perhaps my patriotism is different than theirs. 

My patriotism is not the kind that swaths itself in flags and “God Bless America” signs. My patriotism is not the kind that blindly follows what the government says at all times.
My patriotism is not the kind that assumes that everything my country does is right.

I am rather afraid of people whose patriotism is like that.

My patriotism is the kind that wants my country to be the best that it can be, but does not believe that my country has reached that point yet.
My patriotism is the kind that stands ever vigilant in defense of the rights given to us by our constitution, and ever aware of the responsibilities delineated therein.
My patriotism is the kind that votes, for local, state, and national elections.

I am in love with what this country could be, should be, was dreamed to be. There are a lot of things about this country right now that I’m not a fan of, and I’m often vocally critical about these things. That does not in any way show a lack of affection for my country, but the very opposite. If I didn’t care about my country, it wouldn’t be a big deal when my countrymen and women’s civil rights are trampled. I wouldn’t care it my country did something I found wrong if I didn’t first care deeply about my country.

This makes itself most strongly felt when I contemplate war, both now and in our nation’s past. For centuries my family has fought in this nation’s wars, from the Revolutionary War to the Civil War to WWII. I’m proud of my ancestors who fought for this country’s independence, and my grandfather who fought against Hitler, but made uneasy by my family’s penchant for grey uniforms in the 1860’s. 
More recently, I’m really glad that my asthma ended my abortive attempt to join the Air Force in 2001, since I strongly disagree with the non-Afghanistan action our country has instigated.
I weep for the soldiers who are killed and maimed in the service of our country, and fear that their sacrifice is for naught, or for a cause that we don’t really want to support. 

If I knew that I could make our country into what it should be, a place where all people, regardless of race, gender, religion, nation of origin, sexual orientation, education level, or primary language can live in peace and prosperity in community with each other I would gladly do whatever it took – up to and including my life.
If that’s what it means to be a patriot, I am one. 

Update

I've officially lost 7.5 lbs. 

I'm buying myself a book for every 5 lbs lost... except the book I wanted to buy is not in stock in the two bookstores in my town, and the three bookstores in the next closest town of any size. So, my mother is going to look for it today in the metropolitan area where she lives.

This might seem odd, except I'm driving up there today for the 4th, and for a late birthday celebration with family. 

I'm supposed to drink 64 ounces of water a day, plus 8 ounces for each 25 lbs I want to loose, which makes it a whopping 104 ounces a day. Of just water. Without Crystal Light, or anything else. It's not that I can't drink such things, it's just that I also need to drink the 104 ounces of water.

I have to start this on the day I have to drive three hours.

On Sunday I'm driving back here, to join up with the first ever pride event in my town (a lake party/cookout)... if I have "de nerve"

Oh, and I broke a nail, which is most annoying, because it was the one I used as a stylus on my Treo.

Drawing Women

I'm an artist, at least on the hobbyist level, and if I'm not on the computer, reading, beading, sewing, crocheting, (or eating, let's be honest here) then I'm drawing, painting, sketching... etc.

Most of my life, I would find myself spontaneously drawing women (usually without their clothes) and go "OMG, I can't be drawing that - I shouldn't even be thinking about a woman's body, much less drawing it. So I would erase or crumple up the offending drawing, and got rather good at drawing cats, as an alternative. I tried drawing men, but was never very good at it.

Last night, I realized that I now have no problem with drawing women, and spend an enjoyable evening doing just that.