Questions in the land of Euphemisms

Growing up, I didn't even have euphemisms. I only have a sister, no brothers, so apparently that made things easier for my mother. Before the mandatory sex ed video in fifth grade, the only differences I *knew* of between boys and girls was the way our hair was cut, and which department we bought our clothes in. As far as plumbing is concerned, I didn't even know that I had three holes downstairs, and in fact for a few years thought that hole that you neither peed or pooped out of somehow appeared at the onset of puberty.

Starting at about the same time as the sex ed video, I started hearing about "Worth the Wait" and "True Love Waits" and various other abstinence encouraging programs. I signed yearly commitment cards to "stay pure", "value my virginity" and various other wordings, and on my parents' 25th wedding anniversary (I was 14) they gave me a "promise ring" - a promise to myself, my parents, and to God that I would not have sex until I was married, and then, only to the person I married.

Now, perhaps this seems like so much Conservative Christian hogwash to you - yet another example of how a large part of the Christian community in this country seems obsessed with sex and sexual "sins" - and maybe it is - but here's the thing... I've believed it.

By the definition that s-e-x was explained to me, I am a virgin. In the 13 years since my parents gave me that ring, it has very rarely left my finger. It has become a part of my identity. It has become part of my hope that I will find someone to spend my life with, and don't I want to keep myself clean and pure and whole so that on my wedding night, after I have found that person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, that I can give them my virginity like some kind of one-time-only present - the other option apparently sheepishly shrugging and offering oneself as a kind of used up kleenex.

The problem, or at least my current problem with this is that according to the definition I had gathered from these various abstinence programs, I could have wild lesbian orgies for the rest of my life and still consider myself a virgin, because until a man's *thing* has penetrated my *thing* that's what I'll be.

So, my current dilemma - as a moral, Christian lesbian where do I draw the line? (nothing below the waist, perhaps?) Do I draw a line? Do I just throw out this "true love waits" stuff as so much junk pressed on my by a patriarchal society bent on limiting female sexual freedom? And if I do decide to leave this behind with my heterosexuality - what do I do with my promise ring? If I did leave behind the ideas represented by that ring, I would feel horribly hypocritical still wearing it - and more than enough people I know also know what it means and would question its absence - drawing the wrong conclusions as they did so. While I am not ready to come out to my current church, my church of origin, or my parents, all of them would be concerned if I removed my promise ring, and would want to know why.

I know that with at least two of the three in those categories, and some would argue with all three, it's not really their business, I would feel rude and hurtful telling them so. 

The easiest thing would be to just continue wearing the ring, regardless of what I decide it means.

But is is the right thing?